Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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