this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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