Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
