ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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