Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
how drunk are you?
Several
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
