fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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