i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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