Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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