Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
