I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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