Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
