I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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