I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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