I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
