So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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