Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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