If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to make out with him forever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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