don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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