well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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