He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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