If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
