At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
