Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
