I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
