Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
