cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
