I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
