I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
