I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
