decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
