some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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