I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
