i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
