walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize