Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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