I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
