Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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