If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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