the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
