I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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