remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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