I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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