i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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