Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
