i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
