Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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