All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
