I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
