Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
