Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
