I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
