thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
