i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
