my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
