We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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