Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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