I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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