I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
