Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he was CRYING into my vagina
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
