Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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