I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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