Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
