Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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