It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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