i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
